Marriage divorce is a guest that finds itself in marriages uninvited. Read this article to find out the major causes of marriage breakdowns.
God first instituted marriage in the garden of Eden and since then marriage has been a natural institution that follows certain ways and governed by simple rules. Marriage is the union between a man and a woman who has gone through all the laid down rules and are legal, religiously and culturally regarded as husband and wife.
However, marriage rites differ from countries to countries, cultures to cultures and other differential beliefs. Divorce, on the other hand, could be defined as the official end or termination of marriage with both couples being aware through the court or the local assembly.
In our world today, there are rampant divorce cases and people are asking why divorce?. Marriage is one of the happiest things in life and almost everyone aspires to reach such status by being Mr. or Mrs.Marriage begins from relationship or courtship before it finally and officially becomes “marriage”.
The journey between courtship and marriage is to study each other to know the likes and dislikes, strengths and weakness, do’s and don’ts of each couple and in the long run, every couple prepares himself or herself with much knowledge about each other, but the question here is why marriage divorce?.
Nobody dreams of having his or her marriage divorced after vowing to live together by saying “till death do us apart”.In one of my recent articles, I talked about why it is not good to never make a promise and it actually coincides with divorce cases we see around today. In divorce, the happiest thing (marriage) becomes the most “painful thing” in the couple’s life.
In most cases, one partner could call for divorce if he/ she thinks there is something wrong and the accusation could range from infidelity, bareness/infertility, strange behaviors, peer pressure, financial constraint, assaults/physical abuse, unnecessary family interference and so forth.
Now let’s delve into some of the reasons that answer the question “why marriage divorce?”. A friend of mine used to say DIVINE SELECTION is the best. Well, maybe you would love to read my article on how God chooses marriage partners. The first one could be infidelity. Here the man or the woman could be the culprit and it is the only legitimate reason for divorcing a partner, lest the one cheated on decides to opt out for divorce.
For me to distinguish between which partners are the most unfaithful people in marriages I can’t, but I do know each of the couples is able and capable of cheating at any moment. It is the most heart-breaking part of marriage that mostly results in divorce. I can’t imagine how painful it would be to see your loved one having sex with someone else on your matrimonial bed. Oh uh, that’s too crazy!.
The second cause of divorce I would like to talk about is bareness and infertility. Almost everyone who enters marriage has plans for raising kids to make a complete family, without kids in marriage the family seems incomplete. Children are precious and beautiful gifts from God so in cases where the woman finds it difficult taking seed, it becomes a crucial moment and makes both couples stranded and impatient.
Women have early child-bearing limitations than men because of menopause so any woman who fails to give birth within the childbearing age becomes frustrated all the time. The man can decide to end the marriage officially or find a different woman just to give him children. Men are hardly cut down by age in terms of child-bearing.
A sixty-year-old man could easily give birth, unlike women, lest it takes some supernatural intervention(miracle). Some men too find themselves being infertile, it could become chronic which would force his desperate wife find a different man who is potent enough to help her have her own children.
In furtherance, unusual behaviors could be a signal of marriage divorce. There is a reason for everything that happens in our lives but to find the exact reason of certain things becomes an undefined mystery beyond our capabilities unless the person in question reveals the motive behind his/her unusual behavior, but if you are a smart guy you could figure things out yourself.
Maybe your partner has found a different lover who is super beautiful or handsome than you, richer, sexier, caring and loving than you so to piss you off he/she would portray that annoying behavior and the moment you give up by filing a divorce, oh hallelujah! you have fulfilled his/her wish.
The wish that she/he couldn’t tell you right on your face. Then when divorce proceeds one finds it very much comfortable than the other who was faithful. You can read more about human behaviors in my article entitled “Here is why we are characterized by different behaviors”.
Peer pressure is another disturbing reason for divorce but it seems people haven’t taken note of that properly. A married man or woman who normally finds himself or herself in bad companies of friends faces the risks of marriage breakdown. What kind of good marriage advice or influence could bad friends give you? They can easily pollute your mind, maybe they envy your marriage, they might smile with you, share everything together with you but inwardly they are like wolves ready to attack and destroy.
Taking marriage advice from bad friends is like learning how to Cook from the worst cook in the kitchen. Always your marriage would be salty instead of tasting like honey. Nobody likes salty food so there, a change of food would be good and that is divorce.
Financial constraint always waters marriage divorce in the sense that many women can’t simply live without money. I mean, they always want to see money yielding big like yam or pawpaw. Situations of financial challenges could set in marriages any moment and it takes understanding and coöperation from both couples to solve it amicably. Marriage journey wouldn’t always taste sweet.
There is an African proverb that says “if money were to grow on trees, women would marry monkeys“. I actually don’t blame the women alone, but some men too are lazy, some are also stingy. That is funny anyway. When the financial crisis becomes a problem for long, any of the couples could opt out for marriage. The person could even travel far away to find a financial breakthrough without the knowledge of the other partner.
Last but not the least, physical abuse and to some level, verbal abuse like insults and all forms of derogatory words that send chills into the bones. Men who normally exercise absolute control in marriages are likely to abuse their wives physically when they feel there is something wrong, sometimes when there is nothing wrong they could still beat their wives making the women lose the sweet taste of marriage.
Honestly, some husbands are monsters and their children and wives fear them, even to a larger extent their communities. They become known as “Mr.Brutal” instead of “Mr.Right”.But this doesn’t end here, some women too beat their husbands. Oh yes! though that rarely happens. It weakens the strength and happiness of marriages which could break down at any point.
The last cause of marriage divorce in this article is unnecessary family interference. Some in-laws are a menace to their children’s marriage by sniffing and involving themselves in almost every decision-making in the marriage. Some of them are witches and wizards who could fight against the marriage spiritually and physically.
In Africa, evil in-laws could make bareness set in marriages or cause impotency in men. When married couples take every little problem that brings misunderstanding to their in-laws without solving it amicably, it opens the gateway for them to have unnecessary interferences in the marriage which could result in divorce.
Before I talk about some basic solutions to the above-named causes of marriage divorce, let’s know some of the effects on the people and the society as well. So what are the effects of marriage divorce?. In the first place, I don’t think any religious leader who blesses any kind of marriage would be happy to see its break down. The grievances will actually start from him because he blessed the marriage using the Holy Bible, quoting “let no man separate what God has joined together”.
The next effect would be on the couples in question and here one has to bear greater emotional pains than the other. Yes!, the one who was unfaithful wouldn’t be much grieved that the faithful couple. And when the emotional pains become intense the person could go mad outright. I believe marriage divorce is the second most painful thing on earth aside death.
I haven’t tasted some yet and I pray I shouldn’t. The psychiatric hospitals around us today are full of broken-hearted people. May God have mercy on them. However, it seems recovery rate from mental disorder through marriage divorce is highly assured.
The next effect would be on children if there is any. The moment marriage break-down surges, it affects the children, parents, and communities directly in these ways:
1. Parental control becomes very weak and poor which can force the children to join bad friends and involve themselves in social vices such as armed robbery, prostitution, pickpocketing and other unhealthy practices like alcoholism, smoking, and sorcery.
2. The children could be a big burden on the society and the government as well. The society would have to face the dangerous behaviors like disobedience, burglary, and smoking. In cases where they find themselves in prostitution, they can spread STD like HIV/AIDS like wild-fire. Shaping the outrageous behaviors of such children become a huge burden on the community.
The next effect of marriage divorce in this article is a dishonor to parents. This is one of the immediate effects, and this happens to send bad messages to parents of both couples especially that of the woman.
In one way or the other the woman’s mother would feel disgraced in the event where her daughter was found seeking extramarital sex elsewhere and I believe the same thing applies to that of the man but not so serious because men are able to marry more than one, especially in the Islāmic religion and some Christians too, although the bible doesn’t support that.
Quickly, let’s find out some of the solutions to the marriage divorce cases raised in this article. What are the solutions to marriage divorce?. The most effective solution, in the long run, is a reunion. Here the couple in question holds the key to their future reunion if they still like each other.
Normally after several years of divorce and staying single for long, the tendency of missing something special about your ex-wife or ex-husband is very high and in this case you will find yourself reminiscing how certain things made you feel happy, forgetting about the negative side that resulted in the divorce. The old wood could be set ablaze again.
Moreover, maybe there are children who are full of life and so need the companionship of both couples to raise them up properly. The children could be the medium of marriage divorce reunion.
The next possible solution about infidelity, bareness, financial constraints, strange behaviors, assaults/physical abuse and unnecessary family interference, I will recommend you see a marriage counselor or any credible man of God.
For peer pressure, the best thing to do is disassociate yourself from them and if you find it difficult taking that step then it would be necessary to keep your marital problems or issues from them. It is always advisable not to trust human and so every married couple should be very careful when communicating with friends and all those they believe are good as well.
In conclusion marriage has been the oldest human institution in our world and it is very complex that a lot of preparations are needed before going in for it, if you make the wrong choice of a marriage partner you will find yourself in hell, if you make the right choice, you will certainly find yourself in heaven but honey wouldn’t flow into your mouth every day.
Marriage divorce is happening everywhere haphazardly starting from celebrities who are the role models of millions of people. Oh Yes!, many celebrities are falling apart in their marriages and here I don’t want to mention names because it would sound like I’m gossiping, lol.
I pray that everyone reading this article finds peace and happiness in his/her marriage and those looking for marriage or getting ready for marriage feel the Lord in every aspect of their marriage journey. Mutual agreement between a wife and a husband is one of the greatest secrets of a happy marriage.
“Can two walk together except they Be agreed?”(Amos 3:3).
Thank you for spending your time with me but don’t forget to share this message as it would help someone facing marital divorce. I welcome all comments, contributions, and feedbacks.